Here's what I hate about that: change. I am not good with it. It causes me a lot of anxiety. I have occasionally fallen apart when so required. Yet, somehow, I keep going. Whether it's the result of some magical pills, or some personal strength that only shows itself when I don't have a choice.
I'm single. I was unceremoniously dumped in what I consider to be a rather cruel way -- despite many belaboured insistences to the contrary, should the dreaded event actually take place.
Because I have no shame over what happened, here's what happened:
- After a phone date, a "quick" good night call was made. It was during this call that a PENDING DECISION was announced. To paraphrase; "I'm unhappy. I am going to Calgary to think about whether I want to be in this relationship anymore. I will let you know when I get back." For added you-don't-matter-ness: "I'm not telling you when I'm leaving, where I'm staying, or when I get back. And I don't want to talk to you at all until My Decision is made."
- I received one e-mail saying, "I get home late Sunday. When do you want to talk?" Given the ridiculous vagueness of "late" (considering our individual definitions of this word), I decided that Monday would be best.
- Monday's conversation consisted of, "No, I don't want to be with you," from him. And, "Get your stuff out of my place," from me.
- Since then, he hasn't. Not one piece. Don't get me wrong, things have been moved, but no thanks to any effort from him whatsoever. Instead, my parents and my friends have done everything. Everything.
So, I guess this all begs the question, "Why are you posting about this in such a public forum?" Honestly, out of anger and sadness. Yup. I admit it. A couple of friends also assured me that a blog is an appropriate place to vent. Possibly also out of a sense of being maligned, because for all of his good "reasons" for not wanting to be in the relationship, he apparently missed a couple of things:
- How he went about it sucked, not just because of the excessive amount of hurt he went out of his way to inflict, but also because someone did it to him once, and so he knows just how awful it is to treat someone that way. Yet, he did it anyway.
- I did not ruin the relationship. He's more of an instigator than he realizes. I hope someday he does realize it -- not for me, but for him. Sorry, buddy. This is going to keep happening to you because you're surrounded by a two-way mirror. You can see out and identify all the wrong around you, but you can't see in, so you're missing half the picture.