19 January 2008

In hiding

It continues to be a fact of my life that I don't blog much. I don't write much. I try not to think much. In my recent experience, thinking is the problem. If I could get along without introspection, I'd probably be a much happier person.

In fact, though, The brain rarely stops. Which is why I was uncharacteristically looking forward to my period this week. Taking the week off my birth control is usually a guarantee that I will be walloped with fatigue and need to sleep 9-10 hours per night. Such was not the case this time around. Instead, I slept in the 5-6 hours range. A large disappointment.

I'm not exactly lacking for things to do, but I'm bored. This week I had trivia, yoga and an AI meeting on three successive nights. But all I really wanted to be doing was curling up with Andrew on a couch.

I'm two weeks away from being done the best job I've had so far (and my favourite since Tall Ships). I'm scared that I won't find another job. I'm scared that I will and that it will be hard. I'm scared that I will only have daily subbing (which I hate) and that I will have to get a part-time job that will prevent me from getting the sleep I want when I want it.

I'm also pissed off about this. And it scares me too.

You think that growing up is about having more options and getting to make more of your own choices. It turns out that growing up is about trying to make as few choices as possible so there's less potential for mistakes.

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