28 October 2006

iTunes fun (from Jenni)

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits:
Dirty Harry - Gorillaz

Waking Up:
I Love Rocky Road - Weird Al Yankovic (this could get interesting....)

First Day At School:
Fly - Hilary Duff (could definitely work)

Falling In Love:
Overkill - Men at Work (yikes!)

Fight Song:
Talk of the Town - Jack Johnson (the first lines makes this really funny)

Breaking Up:
Upside Down - Jack Johnson (apparently, Curious George has a big impact on my life -- unfortunately, it's ALREADY a soundtrack)

Prom:
Jungle Gym - Jack Johnson (okay, enough of JJ. I'm going to skip and try something new)
Coming Clean - Hilary Duff (okay....)

Life:
The fix is in - OK Go

Mental Breakdown:
Brian Wilson - Rex Goudie Cover (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!)

Driving:
Gone Going - Black Eyed Peas

Flashback:
Mosh - Eminem (apparently it's a political flashback)

Getting Back Together:
A Million Ways to be Cruel - OK Go (very ominous)

Wedding:
The Saga Begins - Weird Al Yankovic (the title works, anyway)

Birth of Child:
Where did I go Right? - Hilary Duff (awwwwww -- except it's a depressing sounding song)

Final Battle:
Home - Michael Bublé

Death Scene:
There's a Fire - OK Go (I guess I know how I die)

Funeral Song:
Yoda - Weird Al Yankovic (um...)

End Credits:
Fake Plastic Trees (this is totally an avant-garde indie flick)

24 October 2006

Sad World

This morning I was in a meeting about a student.

Yesterday, I was also in a meeting about a student, but yesterday the student was present. He heard what all his teachers thought about his classroom behaviour and was required to answer to it and talk about making a change. An hour later he was in the office, having been kicked out of class. He was sent home for the day. This morning before lunch, he was in there again. His eventual consequences are still unclear.

But back to the first student. I'll call him T for now.

T. is a small boy for his age. He lives with his aunt because his mother has Problems (this is common at our school). He is volatile. When he wants to learn, he can control the whole class. When he's not interested, he's distracting everyone.

All his teachers, plus his grade 6 teacher, a resource teacher, the African-NS Student Support Worker, the principal and the VP met with his social worker, and an agency-appointed phychologist. We went through, person by person, and told them our impressions and experiences. Apparently he was in foster care for a while last year and was a completely different person. When we talked about him this morning, we mentioned drug use, sexuality, dangerous mood swings, volatile, unpredictable behaviour, and how we try to deal with it. The social worker and psychologist listened quietly and took notes, they asked questions about certain circumstances and situations, took suggestions, and commented on similar behaviour they've observed.

This is a kid who should be running around and playing, hanging out with his friends, playing on school teams, and getting along with -- instead of harassing -- teachers.

It's so sad that he lives in a world where he has to be something he's not. He's putting all his energy into beng the tough guy, and his life is slipping away.

And the saddest part is that the window that we have to get him the help he needs before this becomes an ingrained aspect of his personality is closing. There will come a point in the very near future where cynicism and hatred take over and he lets his potential go to waste.

I was honestly shocked by what I heard about him. This is classist of me, and I know I don't understand the culture up here on "the hill", but to realize that he's teetering on the edge of something very dangerous, scares me. It's a lot of responsibility for teachers who see him for an hour or so per day. But it's up to us, because no one else can or will take care of him.

11 October 2006

I still hate you

I still find it hard to remember how we started, because I can't remember why.

All I remember is anger. And I'm still angry. I'm angry about how we turned out; who I was when I was with you; and how my life changed because of you.

At the end, it was hard, but then I was so happy. I didn't have to deal with or think about you anymore. I was free; and that's what it felt like: freedom. I felt light and airy and more like myself than I'd felt in years. Yes, years.

I had friends again. I reconnected with my old friends (although, in some cases it took years), and made new ones. And they were all great. Supportive of me, and understanding, and they helped me understand a bit more about who I really was and why I had become so much better than who I had been.

I resent you for trying to keep these people from me. I resent myself more for not noticing what happened. And so I hate that what you did makes me angry at myself.

If I had been watching anyone else, I never would have let it get that far without saying something. Instead, I had to let uncertainty be my sign. And even that took too long.

But this isn't about me, it's about you. It's about how the feelings I felt at the end are still so strong, and the feelings that started it all are completely numb. In other cases, the end blurs and the beginning and middle take over, but not with you. With you, it's all the end, and the recent slow realization of what happened without me noticing.

And I'm a stickler for detail.

True, I can see it all so clearly now. The red flags waving wildly, like the trees when a hurricane approaches. But in this case, I thought I was safe in the basement; windows boarded up, with a gas burner and canned food to get me through the storm. I almost thought the storm missed me completely, until the news reports came in.

Broken. Damaged. Major repairs needed.

And I guess I have you to thank for that. I guess you got the revenge you felt entitled to, when I finally clued in and got out.

I thought the best revenge was dusting myself off, moving on, living my own, happy life. I didn't think that "served cold" was an option.

And so, with a renewed sense of anger, and frustration, I'll rehash this all. Only this time I won't have your cynical input colouring everything that happened. I'll take a look with my own view and hopefuly I'll find a way to forgive you for what happened.

Or at least find a way to make you weak.