I can't really say that I don't have time to blog, rather I don't have the energy. If life required any more mental energy right now, I'd have to phone it in.
But what's happening, you ask.
A lot lot of dick all. Except that work has been terrible and stressful lately. I keep looking for that part of my job that I enjoy so much, and I can't find it. And not because it has become mundane or complicated or too much, but rather because my boss SUCKS.
About 6 weeks ago, I started feeling like I wasn't part of anything that was happening in my division. When I looked more closely, there was plenty going on, just not with me. I was sitting at the back of the office, struggling to keep my eyes open (boredom), while everyone else on the team is freaking and stressing about how much work they had to do.
I approached my sucky boss to find out what was going on and it turned out that everyone had questions about whether I was committed to my job. Now, I'm the kind of person who likes the direct approach, even if it's cause for discomfort. I would have handled this situation with a meeting and a discussion. Mostly because it's obvious that they were all going crazy with projects and could have used some help. Their (the team) choice was to exclude me. This led to much paranoia about my job security and lots of doubts about what I was doing.
When I tried to address it, I was greeted with disdain. I was offered a "performance review", which was more like a crapfest. I cried in the office of just about everyone in the division. I cried at home. I cried to my parents. I cried to just about anyone I talked to about it. I cried for a good three weeks.
I've mostly stopped crying, although I still want to tear Don's throat most days. I still sit in the back and do a while lot of nothing while everyone else complains about how busy they are. I've offered my help, but it's met with little enthusiasm. Earlier this week I got to pick photos off a CD. That was exciting. :
My talents are going to waste. My enjoyment of this job is diminishing and it has nothing to do with the job. I thought that if I left this job, it would be because I found it to be too much. Instead, it's not enough. And instead of telling me that things are fine, my employer is tell me I'm "self-absorbed" for being worried about how I'm not included in the new projects that are coming up.
Yes, he actually used those words.