There's something about waking up on a Monday morning that is just spirit-crushing. The thought that you have to go through another 5 days before you take control of your life again is a little demoralizing. So, even though I was fully awake when my alarm went off at 7:12 this morning, I just couldn't move. Off it went. 7:26 turned into a half-hour snooze marathon. All I accomplished was being 15 minutes late for work, and more cranky and overtired than when my alarm went off in the first place.
I was in denial. Saturday was a write-off as far as I'm concerned. I had another crying fit. I went to massage (ow). Andrew and I attempted to go to the Farmers' Market, but we were too late. After running some other errands, I decided to go for a walk. I was out for about 45 minutes and it was just about the least invigorating walk I've ever been on. Part-way out, I started wondering how I was going to get back home. I was so tired in so many ways. I was ready to let a doctor hook me up to an anti-depressant IV.
Last year I wrote a post about SAD. The more I read about it, the more I'm convinced that I'm subject to it. Of course, there's one line on WebMD that says that one should not self-diagnose SAD -- a doctor needs to be involved. They don't really explain the dangers, but I would suspect that it relates to misdiagnosing more serious, long-term forms of depression.
I meant to talk to my doctor about the possibility that I have SAD back in the late-summer/early-fall. But it seemed so irrelevent at the time. My original logic was that by talking to him early, I could avoid a prescription and get on a waiting list and be able to talk to a mental health professional by the time it started to affect me. Well, now I think it may have crept up on me and attackeed full-force over Christmas.
I'm mostly afraid that it's too late to do anything this year. I talked to my favourite Health Shoppe proprietor and he recommended SAM-e. He had a bottle on sale for half-price, so I bought it and decided to give it a try. I sure am self-medicating and self-diagnosing! I sure don't really care right now! I'm more concerned with getting back to feeling more like myself and less like a waterfall.
I did feel a lot better yesterday, but I'm not sure what the difference was. I still didn't sleep well Saturday night; the weather was still shite. I woke up in a good mood. I decided to share my good mood with Robyn. I hopped in the car and drove down to w/v to spend the afternoon with her. We tried to go to our favourite cheese farm but we didn't have the "chance" that they advertised might facilitate them being open on a Sunday in January. We took a pass on the wool shop and instead settled on painting pottery. Robyn started using pointillism to paint a sunflower on a platter. I started on a mug and intended to make it pretty with crescent moons and stars, but ran out of time so instead opted for a "C" in puff paint behind the handle. It's a big mug. I plan on bringing it to work and using it for massively quenching my tea cravings.
After the pottery place closed, we went to the pub where Kurt works, ostensibly so Robyn could get the house keys. We stayed for almost 2 hours and chatted and had a small snack. I left around 7 to drive back home, fearful of the dropping temperatures and whether the roads would be getting icy. In the 2 hours we were in the pub, there was a noticible temperature drop; like winter decided to make an appearance.
I enjoy day trips with Robyn. I don't want her to go somewhere that makes those impossible. Sure, other people can go to the cheese farm with me, and there are pottery places in town, but it will be different. Sort of how phone dates with Foo or Lani are fun, but don't compare to Foo-time or a sushi date. I know I should say "I need to make some local friends," but really I just want my friends to be closer. My weeks can be quite busy and relatively social, but I crave more.
I wish today were a holiday. Coming down off yesterday's high is proving to be anti-fun. Can we fix this, please? I don't want to wait 3 months for Easter. In some Caribbean countries they have snow festivals with the white stuff shipped from nothern climes. I think we need a tropical festival where someone sets up heat lamps and trucks in sand.