Despite my persistent moaning and groaning, I am happy. I don't know exactly when or how that happened, but I have some good ideas. None of the bad stuff I'm going through is permanent. I know I lose that perspective sometimes, but if I was really that doing that badly, I wouldn't be writing about it here.
Foo used to have a signature at the bottom of all her e-mails: Nothing changes. Change IS the thing. That's great, when you're going through something shitty. I remember a time when I could never see to the other side of the "horrible" thing that was happening to me.
Unfortunately, knowing that the good things can change, too, is a little less comforting. I know that, in an earlier blog, I said that I didn't really want 2004 to end, because it was a good year. What's funny is that is was a hard year, too. I forgot about that stuff. Nayana moved to the other side of the world. That was a good thing that changed. Steph moved to be with her man, and Lani moved to be with hers. I still talk to Lani online, and I visited her, and she'll be home next month, so we'll hang out. That's cool, but I miss her. And I almost never talk to Steph. When I do, it's only ever long enough to give each other brief updates about what we're up to, and how life is going. Nancy stopped talking to me at the end of August for reasons I have yet to discern. I only think about it when I want to go to a restaurant, because she was my food buddy, but it still sucks that the friendship ended so abruptly.
But, I'm not sad. I know things could be much worse. At some point, they probably will be. But when I think about it, I'm happy. And I know enough now to just appreciate it while I have it.