01 February 2005


So, my last blog was in response to Lani who demanded that I write a new blog. I was being a smartass.

Unfortunately, not a whole lot is going on right now. I'm still unemployed (though getting serious about looking for something, and not just waiting for Beth's phone call). I'm not as stressed about my grandfather anymore, because he went home yesterday. I'm still feeling down because it seems like the problems will never be resolved, but I'm not confronted with it every hour because I don't have to interact with him unless he decides he wants to talk to me.

I guess I'll explain that last comment. When he's home, he calls mom when he's worried about something, and never at any other time. If he's calling for that reason, then he doesn't want to talk to me about it because he thinks I don't know anything (either about the problem, or in general). When mom calls him just to chat, she has to ask him if he wants to speak to me. He usually says yes (out of duty?) and then I get the general questions about the weather, whether I'm working, do I "have a boyfriend yet", etc. When my puppy was alive, he'd always ask about him. Then, I ask him about what's going on in his life; he brushes off the questions and either makes a move to get off the phone, or asks to talk to mom again. I've never been able to call him and have a conversation; he always maneuvers to get off the phone. The only time he's ever called me directly (since Granny died) was in my first year in w/v, when he called to "warn me" (yell at me) about getting a tattoo that I never intended or thought of getting. The end result is that I don't have to "deal" with the lack of relationship I have with my grandfather.

The course I'm taking is going fine, I guess. I haven't been there since the first class. I sort of knew this would happen. The second and third classes were cancelled due to inclement weather. Last night, I was just too tired. Too many late/sleepless nights. I barely made it home from deadwriter's (where I was holed up, ostensibly, to read, but instead practised my ever-improving blinking skills while he was at work) because I was so tired. I again considered pulling over on the highway and having a nap before continuing home. This is something I find myself doing far too often lately. I really need to get myself into some kind of schedule, even if I don't have a life of my own.

Mostly, I do a whole lot of nothing. I occasionally wander upstairs to make small talk with my mother. I think I'm going to MB with her tomorrow to do some stuff around the Retirement Castle, and just relax after Grandad's visit.

I did go to the office yesterday. There was a Social Committee meeting. By rights, I shouldn't have been there, not being an employee. But, as I still harbour hopes, I wanted to stay apprised of the goings-on so I could actually be helpful if (when?) I come back. It did make me sad, though. Everyone seemed really glad to see me, and asked where I've been and when I was coming back. I didn't really know how to answer. Amanda was the most annoyed. She's swamped and can't figure out why they can't at least have me come in and bill for the hours I work. Ultimately, I'd like something more then just gopher-work to free up her time, but I'd also like to not have to use my savings to pay off my credit cards and student loan.

Also, I'd like to announce that Amanda has officially moved out of her abusive (ex!)bf's condo. The move was relatively incident-free. She's still a little shell-shocked by everything that's happened over the last year, but I know she'll be better off. I can't wait until she can see that for herself.

Gee, I guess I had more to write than I thought. I'm not really surprised. I've never really been lost for words. Ha!

No comments: