18 January 2005

Subconscious trauma

I had an awful dream last night. Just awful.

I was being attacked by dogs. My whole family was. And I'm not just talking about a few wild canines, I mean like Trojan-war quantities (in fact, that allegory came up in my dream). They were all light-coloured dogs. Larger, like Golden Retrievers. And they attacked with military precision. The only advantage we had was that they could only get in through the door a few at a time.

I remember using a chair to keep one back. I remember the teeth. I remember successfully using to chair to break his jaw -- so he couldn't bite anymore -- and then his hip. Finally, I broke his neck.

Just before I woke up (or was aware of my consciousness), I managed to realize that it was a dream. I remember thinking that I could control my dreams if I just changed my mind. But the dogs kept coming in, and I brandished the chair again.

Then I could hear my parents talking about the cars in the driveway and I realized that I was awake. I was soaked. My hair was wet and stuck to my face. My top was stuck to my back, and the sheets were damp where I had been laying.

I rolled onto my stomach and looked at the clock. It was 8:22 am. I considered getting up and going to yoga with my mother. Then I remembered that I stayed up until quarter to 4 and thought better of it.

I'm still really upset. Not only was the entire dream violent, but it was violent dogs and me being violent to them. I'm sad about how the dream transpired.

This is an occasion where I would have liked to get up and see my puppy and have him remind me that he (as a dog) is the most amazing thing on the planet. I think I need to visit one of my surrogates. Otherwise, this is going to stick with me for a while.

1 comment:

Me said...

I have that same recurring dream. There are dogs trying to break into my house and attack me and my family. It's very odd - I'm really not afraid of dogs at all...but I have the same dream none the less.