I'm missing Daphne beaucoup today. This happens occasionally. I so desperately want to communicate with her, but she's so far away, and it just feels futile. A phone call is to expensive, an e-mail goes unanswered. And the fun thing is that I know that she occasionally has the same spurts as I do, but feels just as ridiculous about breaking the silence.
It hard because I want so desperately to be part of her life, but that requires transcontinental relocation. Looks unlikely for the time being. On both ends.
She always seemed so stable. To me, she was. For the longest time -- 7 years, to be precise -- I had no idea that, underneath it all, she was possibly as neurotic as me. She just had clever devices to hide it. Cigarettes and marijuana, mostly. Occasionally, beer. But she is still my French voice of reason. In some ways, no one understands me better.
When I saw her in July she said that I seem much more centred than I ever did before. I told her about my year. Two years, rather. The sum total of my B.Ed., complete with insanity, ecstasy, intoxication, heartache, and rebirth. I'm glad she could see what I'd already been feeling for a while. I used to feel like such a wreck that I couldn't imagine being any other way.
She doesn't believe in God or the Devil. Or Heaven or Hell. She believes that people are inherently good, and that the bad ones are just misguided. She constantly reminds me that everyone has something of value to contribute, even if you don't like it or see the value.
She has an amazing ability to cut through the crap and get to the point. She is generous, adventurous, caring, fascinating, and comforting. If she were a blanket, she'd be cashmere.
She buys almost everything at second hand stores, and I marvel at her ability to always find something that fits. Everything she wears looks like she was born in it.
No matter how much time passes, she will always be there for me. She will put me up if I need a place to stay, and will put up total strangers on my word. She will show me a world that tourists never see, and still indulge my touristy desires.
More people need their own Daphne. Mine's a lifesaver. We all need those sometimes.