I'm going to a party at Andy's house tonight, but ultimately, I think I'd rather stay home and go to bed at a reasonable hour. This could have something to do with The Cold That Will Not Attack. I've been cowering for weeks now, waiting for the full force, but instead, it teases me with alternating symptoms; stuffy nose, sinus pain, hacking cough, fatigue.... But never all at once. I'm getting tired of this game. I just said to Rooster that I probably wouldn't drink tonight, since alcohol tends to make whatever illness I have worse, but I might change my mind. Maybe it would help speed up the onslaught so I can just be miserable and get over it.
Phil is getting married tonight. Actually, the deed is probably done. The wedding was at 6. I RSVP'd my acceptance to the festivities, but spontaneous car trouble (how many 28 month-old cars just seize up like that?) is keeping me in the city. I can't risk the 2 hours drive only to have to pay hundreds of dollars to get towed back. I'm sure you all know how disappointed I am.
Okay, fine. It's not all doom and gloom. I just don't like when I'm disenchanted with events that would normally have me up at 5 am for the excitement of it all.
Good things about starting 2005:
- I have goals. First on that list is paying off a sizeable chunk of my student loan, followed shortly thereafter by getting my own apartment (or condo...).
- Lots of exciting things in store for my friends: Lew's getting married in September; Foo may get to start her Master's, as might Rick; Jenn is having a baby. Those are the monumentals, other people will have different triumphs.
- I'm going to take more risks. That's not a resolution. I don't think I've made one since New Year's Eve 2000, and I'm waaaay too embarrassed by it to repeat that mistake again. The closest I get is, "Be Happy." It's the one thing that I have more control over than anything else. And it works better and better every year (except maybe in 2003). It's also not based on some guy's arbitrary decision to make January the first month of the year. The risks include personal and professional. I have a plan to sit down with my would-be boss and have a serious discussion about why I'm being offered full-time contracts but not full-time employment. I'm feeling stifled and impotent. I want to work (despite my life-long yearning for retirement) and I'm frustrated that it's not enough. If it's something I have to do, I want to know what that is. My first opportunity to do that will be next week, which just happens to be the first week of 2005.
Good things about ending 2004:
- Actually, I'm having problems with this one. 2004 has been a good year. I'm really reluctant to see it go. And while I know that there isn't a cosmic shift that happens at midnight in every time zone, that it's symbolic, everyone else is determined to make 2005 completely different, and I'm not convinced that's a good thing. I'm going to miss 2004. It taught me so much about myself.
So, a toast to 2004. She was a good year. Here's to hoping that 2005 isn't much different (for me). And here's to every year getting better and better.